Entry - MAG Poetry Prize 2009

What It's Not

by Belle Keelson-Anfu

It's not a feeling it's an ache
So intense at times it becomes a pain
Stripping me of the ability to be selfish
I become selfless, thinking of you first, always
An annoying realization that it's intensity
Is directly proportionate to you.
If you fall, I feel it before I see it,
I sense it, it hurts.
When life attacks you, my eyes no longer see
But become clouded by a flood of salty weakness
Leaving a trail on shiny cheeks betraying the statement "I'm fine"
It's not a beginning it's an end
An end to "I" no longer "me"
"My" now smoothly replaced with "our"
As our hours become one, "time alone" becomes displaced.
Still desired, but now tentatively mentioned
Perceived as a threat to a union that should be sufficient
Is sufficient.
Naivety incorrectly assumed that all needs had to be met
Within our "we"
But "we" couldn't be without time for me
It's not happiness, it's joy
Solidly based on the biblical
Allowing growth even on rocky ground
Even this relationship whose beginnings
Rudely interrupted the seemingly satisfied solitary
Distance from God's Word inevitably allows polluted infiltrates
Temporarily threatening dissolution of this union
Until... sanity returns and order is re-established
His peace creating beauty from stubborn ashes
It's not the cliché, it's love
The definition comes from God
Not a "falling" but a choice
Imperfections standing side-by-side
Creating wholeness
Refusing the world's standard and setting our own
The ease of infidelity, of "giving up" bypassed
Overridden by truth
Overridden by old fashioned loyalty

Added: 04.02.2009