Entry - MAG Poetry Prize 2009

Confusion

by Heather-Jo Wilkins

  Boundaries are blurred,
It's hard to tell what's real anymore
What do I want?
Could I accept a fairytale ending?
Or would it be too fake and unreal
Life's too complicated
I don't know what I want.
I don't know what I need
But I keep trying,
To fit the pieces together.
One of those impossible puzzles,
No matter how hard you try
You keep screwing it up,
Having to start all over again.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I'm doing both,
It's too frustrating.
This...annoyance with the world
No reason for it at all
But it feels comfortable
I wear it like a second skin
I try to be indifferent
But it's hard
I'm too affected, too sensitive to it all
I keep slipping up
I don't know what to think anymore
Not that I ever did
I'm crying again I think
It's hard to tell
Struggling to find a reason
I should probably accept I'll never get one
Not that I thought I would
I'm confusing myself again
Nothing new really
Just a game I like to play
There's not a lot else I can do.

Added: 24.02.2009

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