Entry - MAG Poetry Prize 2010

"Me in your eyes"

by Donald Falconer

Within your eyes
I saw within.
Myself I saw
I saw myself.
You were there
and so was I.
Within you
 I was,
within your eyes,
the beauty of your eyes.
Into my heart I felt
the stream of you,
upon which
I was to dip,
within your soul
into your being.
I saw myself,
I saw you.
Into your eyes
I looked.
Into your eyes
I saw.
Into your eyes
you and myself.

Added: 15.04.2010

Judges' comments on this poem


An interesting idea, but the imagery is a bit confusing in places (e.g., 'the stream of you,/ upon which / I was to dip').


You have a good foundation here, but some fresh, startling imagery would really breathe extra life into this poem.


I enjoyed the clear music, the simple line of progression