Entry - MAG Poetry Prize 2011

Dating Tips for Beginners

by Jonathan Mitchell

If you can’t get a girl
Imagine you’re a savage
Neanderthal man and make
A stone-age, cast-iron plan
Just start from scratch – you’ll evolve so much!
If you’ve no bronze to buy a meal
Dig a hole in the ground
Mould out a clay bowl
And leave it to set in the sun
Ask a friend for a recipe – job done!
If you can’t think where to go
Take her for a romantic trek
The parks are nice this time of year
Sabre-toothed tigers are all but extinct
When you’ve worked up a thirst – go for a drink!
Does she like music?
Well why not go clubbing?
Most girls love to dance
But don’t try pulling her
Back to your cave by her hair
Be reasonable and take good care!
What to do for amusement
Stand by the fire-light
And tell her a joke
Mammoth walks into the water-hole…(and so on)
You can do it – You’re a funny bloke!

Added: 21.02.2011

Judges' comments on this poem


A fun poem but exclamation marks can be off-putting for some readers, rightly or wrongly...


Amusing take on dating; nice use of language connected with earlier ages