Entry - MAG Poetry Prize 2011

The Day You Went Away

by Vivien Hampshire

The train trickles away to cotton thread,
Your face a blur through dirty glass and tears,
As lost to me as thirty wasted years.
 
 
You’ve gone but your impression fills the bed.
Old feelings fight a battle with new fears.
The train trickles away to cotton thread.
 
 
My life with you remains a book unread.
I smooth the sheets; the image of you clears.
Our shapeless future waves and disappears.
The train trickles away to cotton thread.
 

Added: 06.04.2011

Judges' comments on this poem

05.05.2011

I enjoyed the simplicty of this one, and the repeated cotton thread metaphor.

07.05.2011

LIke the repetition; think the last stanza should also be 3 lines or less, not more; feels real; like bed - impression & smoothing sheets.

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