MAG Poetry Competition 2011 – Shortlisted Poem
Throwing Apples At The Sky
by
Rotherfield , UK
In the hospice garden
We threw apples at the sky,
While your dad lay dying.
Bright red they flew in a fiery arc,
And we joked they’d reach the sun,
As he retreated breath by breath.
We climbed the sagging branches, laughing
With the burden of summers bounty,
As his body surrendered, spark by spark.
The sound of floating playground antics
Mingled with our playful cries,
As the fire in his veins was quenched.
And then the world continued just as before,
In the aftermath of that long brutal fight,
In the suddenly still quiet room,
His body became a husk
Emptied of its self,
Beached forever on the strand of time,
We looked out of the window,
Bittersweet memories in the winds eye,
Our windfall tears drying
Like a fading lullaby.
Relieved, but too guilty to rejoice,
I thought of the apple blossom,
And the curve of your ten summers,
Like a rainbow bisected
By the dark fire of his death.
Outside the birds still sang,
Skylarks hovered over the fields,
Hawks traversed on unseen currents.
His last breath filled the empty room,
Infusing us with pain and anguish,
As they carted his shell away.
We sauntered back to the hospice garden,
Kicking the rotten fallen fruit,
The rules of the game changed forever.
Added: 07.04.2011
04.05.2011
very effective but it might have been yet more effective to say 'our fatherwas dying'as opposed to your
04.05.2011
lovely
14.05.2011
The varied use of the apple image, and the structure of the poem itself, embodies the emotional journey of the children.
17.05.2011
This poem starts interestingly however becomes far too literal in the central, long stanza, which spoils the effect.
17.05.2011
A very moving poem that made some profound points. I particularly liked the last line.
19.05.2011
I love the two worlds in this. How easily children can detach themselves from reality.
23.05.2011
There is true feeling in this poem and the metaphor of the apples works very well
29.05.2011
love how the image of the apples frames the poem's beginning and ending, while in the middle - sadness and loss. works very well.
06.06.2011
Very moving. The contrast of child's play and death is very poignant.
07.06.2011
As an employee of a hospice and also losing a relative who was a patient I found this poem extremely moving. Well done
08.06.2011
I strongly liked this, some vital ideas, like life and deatn in the same instant.
08.06.2011
A beautiful poem
08.06.2011
Nice contrasts, although it gives a careless feeling at the beginning. Really like the bisected rainbow idea. Rotting apples a nice touch.
08.06.2011
Enjoyed the contrasts. Polarities ... and then the reality of encounter. Excellent!
09.06.2011
Liked this but not one of my top four.
09.06.2011
Poet distances him/herself from the death of 'your' dad. Very clever and moving poem.
10.06.2011
Moving, brave and beautiful imagery...and a gutsy last line. Thank you.
10.06.2011
Good, moving subject, though is the fire motif a little laboured??
10.06.2011
My mother works in a hospice, and I feel my father is headed there too, but not as staff... thank you for this poem. It means a lot to me.
11.06.2011
Great title - surprising and exuberant. I also liked 'surrendered spark by spark.'
11.06.2011
the best poem I have read here
12.06.2011
This is wonderful poetry- gentle yet catching me by the throat. Elegant, pithy use of language. Please keep writing, you'll win something.
13.06.2011
I really liked the image of the apples, but I thought the rainbow line could be softened or made more subtle, it pulled me out of the page
14.06.2011
'the curve of your ten summers/like a rainbow bisected/ by the dark fire of his death.' - this is a very effective and moving image.
17.06.2011
A single striking image developed to moving effect
17.06.2011
i can relate to this, very good images and great ending.
18.06.2011
strong lines with vivid imagery and some honest emotions expressed well.