MAG Poetry Competition 2011 – 3rd Prize Winner
The Hook
by
Toronto, Canada
She crouches on the bathroom counter
clutching her knees, tugging
her stained nightie down
again and again.
Her feet, naked
in the chipped porcelain sink
cold water splashing over them
until they are numb.
The bathroom door, locked now
Her father, drunk and passed out now.
She sits and watches the cold water breaking on
the bones of her thin, white feet.
And she never told anyone
what happened in that park
not her teachers
not her friends
not her mother.
She swallowed the memory
the way a fish having snapped the line,
tries to shake the hook free but swallows it instead
and where the barb catches in the body
a second skin grows around the wound.
Years later, chain smoking in bed, she tells him.
Her voice is flat. She is describing a scene from a movie,
a scene from someone else's life, only the ashtray
on her chest, rises and falls rapidly
a small dirty life boat.
Later she sleeps
her thin body curves like a trigger
icy feet touch his skin
a hook grows
in his heart.
Added: 22.04.2011
04.05.2011
A poem that leaves an all too sad image in the mind. Tautly written and carefully understated - the impact is greater for this.
04.05.2011
Real, gripping, painful. I can feel this, see it, be moved by it!
14.05.2011
My number 2. I love " a small dirty life boat" excellent. I would have added "and " to "a hook grows in his heart"
17.05.2011
So hard to cover this kind of material. I like the end, but the wording of the earlier description isn't original enough
20.05.2011
What a beautiful concept. The first few stanzas didn't grab me, but the metaphor of the hook and it's Infectious nature was perfect.
08.06.2011
This is the winner for me. The fifth stanza with the image of the fish swallowing a hook is just so powerful.
08.06.2011
Powerful and tragic. I really enjoyed reading this poem. Quite haunting in its ending too.
08.06.2011
A strong poem about an important subject. Painful but a true image I thought
08.06.2011
Really interesting take on dark subject with good gritty details (good title). Like repetition of "now" in 3rd. Open to interpretation.
08.06.2011
Extremely difficult subject to tackle. Sensitively crafted. No sickly sentiments here. No easy answers. Hard-hitting and yet tender.
08.06.2011
Well written with powerful ending words that tug at the heart.
09.06.2011
simple but effective imagery, I really liked this one.
09.06.2011
Powerful, intense and succinct. The image of the second skin was strong as was the connection between memories and wounding.
09.06.2011
Strong image of the hook embedded deep inside which eventually is passed to her partner. Great poem.
09.06.2011
A bit didactic in places, but excellent use of description in stanzas 5 and 7 especially.
09.06.2011
Some brilliant images - lifeboat & trigger esp. very powerful first two lines. Quite raw.
10.06.2011
Some questionable punctuation was a shame, as the poem itself was very striking and the final scene especially is jarring for the reader.
11.06.2011
Very painful. Central image as a fish hook is unusual, powerful & visceral. Liked the ashtray as a life boat and body curved like a trigger.
11.06.2011
This is easily my number one. a most excellent ending
11.06.2011
painful images, especially the last verse
13.06.2011
I really liked the similie of the fish swallowing the hook from the broken line, it worked really well.
14.06.2011
conveys the deadness really well - the hook being passed on is an excellent image.
14.06.2011
Powerful imagery worked well(the hook, the life boat.) I was a bit thrown by 'the bathroom counter' as I couldn't picture it.
14.06.2011
A very precise and clever analogy. And I love the line about the ashtray/dirty little boat.
17.06.2011
i liked the title, and the vivid picture you painted, very good.
18.06.2011
reminiscent of raymond carver. a stronger poem for the not knowing what really happened.