MAG Poetry Competition 2011 – Shortlisted Poem
Old Gold
by
Watchet, UK
Thin with the years, bent and twisted
Like her hands, worn from long work.
This ring has seen hard days.
She always wore it, his symbol of love,
Scrubbing floors, hoarding scraps
Making do and mending.
Later still, her children
Then grandchildren tested it with toothless gums.
On special days it polished up a treat.
Eyeless tiny sockets mark
Where the pinprick diamonds once were set,
Treasures lost in a thousand soapy sinks.
He promised her better when days improved
But somehow there were
Always more important things...
Time passes and she has gone.
I hold her age-marked hands in my mind
And her ring is warm in the palm of my hand.
Added: 28.04.2011
04.05.2011
Moving - no mention of what her life had meant!
04.05.2011
Sounds a little as though it might have been an exercise in a creative writing class but well written and paints a neat picture.
04.05.2011
Very poingnant. Loved the eyeless sockets image.
05.05.2011
I could see this woman. I felt written from memory. I still have my mother's ring. A sad poem. Nice images of soap suds - her hard life.
17.05.2011
The only problem for me is that I think the word 'ring' need not be mentioned in the first stanza.
18.05.2011
Wow, this is good. Extremely clever how the ring embodies and becomes a personification of the wearer
19.05.2011
liked this poem,reminded me of my own mother,of the sygnificance of objects and their associated memories.
25.05.2011
original, holds your interest
27.05.2011
nice
08.06.2011
I like the imagery of the ring and all it represents in terms of the woman's life.
08.06.2011
The simplicity and gentleness of this poem is lovely
08.06.2011
Good to see a poem on here with definite stanzas - many pieces looked like prose.
08.06.2011
As if the ring was a talisman to bring magic. A strong poem I thought. Lovely
08.06.2011
Her pain brought into the present.
08.06.2011
Good take on the theme, some nice imagery (sockets of missing diamonds); good ideas of what lasts and what doesn't.
09.06.2011
:)
09.06.2011
beautiful story
09.06.2011
The poem started well and the images of the grandchildren were strong but it petered out disappointingly at the end.
09.06.2011
Moving poem focussing upon the ring, a symbol of a woman's life experiences. Beautiful.
10.06.2011
It's grey, yet so colourful, full of childhood images mixed in with the grown-up ideas... I really liked it.
11.06.2011
I like how the object describes the life of the old woman and evokes her memory when held by another
14.06.2011
lovely last two lines
14.06.2011
Loved the strong final image. The rest lacked some momentum for me.
14.06.2011
Nice and spare, a life collecting around a small object.
17.06.2011
beautiful poem, well done
18.06.2011
sentiments well expressed. good contrast of warm emotions and harsh realities.